Not Today
by SebTheGeek
Summary: Everyone has bad days, but Dan has more than most people. Dan needs help. Phil is just having difficulties bringing himself to get it. Rated M for implied bipolar disorder. One-shot


**A/N: Thank you so much for clicking on this story. This is my first fanfiction and I'm kind of proud of it, so I hope you like it.**

 **SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING: implied bipolar disorder.**

 **Disclaimer: I, in no way, own Dan and Phil nor do I mean any disrespect to either of them. Also for the record I do not have bipolar disorder, so I am writing this based on stories of people who have been diagnosed. If I have gotten anything wrong or if this is in anyway offensive, please write a review and tell so I can fix it.**

Phil sighed, looking at the time in the corner of his laptop. 1:59 pm. He pushed his computer of his lap and got up from the couch. He needs to check on Dan.

He walks to Dan's room, gently tapping on the door before pushing it opened slightly. The blinds are drawn, heat is off and a thin boy is lying in bed. Shaking his head, Phil opens the door all the way, allowing the light to fall across his boyfriends frame. On a good day Dan would, roll over complaining about the bright, hallway lights. On a "great" day he would already be out of bed, trying to accomplish everything in life, all at once. But today he just laid there. Phil wasn't too surprised. It was not a good week.

He turned up the heat in Dan's room and went to the kitchen. Phil knew that Dan hadn't been up all day, much less eaten or drank anything. He turns on the kettle to make some tea - haven learnt long ago that coffee only makes things much worse for Dan - and turns to make some cereal.

Phil knew that Dan needed to see a doctor soon. They can't go on like this. But he's scared of Dan's reaction. On good days he's so average: he goes on Tumblr and Twitter, he procrastinates, he makes videos if he has the energy, he does his live shows on Tuesdays. He's so normal; so … Dan. Selfishly, Phil doesn't want to do anything to disturb it.

But then there are the "great" days and the bad ones. On the great day, Dan's so hyper he tries to move mountains. He can't sit still. Things get done. New video ideas are formed. But he is so vulnerable. He's incredibly quick to snap. He so easily spirals back into maddeness. Back into that dark oblivion. Phil knows that if Dan felt like it, on a one of those days, he could go out and steal a car or sleep with a stranger or jump off a bridge, just because he feels like it. And know one, not even Phil, would be able to talk him out of it.

On the bad ones, Dan nothing gets done. He doesn't move. He doesn't speak to anyone. And Phil doesn't make him. If he did, those days are so bad, Phil's scared he would hurt himself. He's scared that if Dan even got out of bed for anything other than to use the bathroom or get water, it would be to find a rope or a high building to jump off. He lies in the darkness, numb as heroin.

So Phil doesn't bring him to a doctor. He tells himself that he will next time Dan's feeling better, but something always comes up. He makes excuses to himself, when in reality it's because he's so terrified to make things worse.

He needs to soon. It's been like this for a while. Dan has been off for quite sometime. It took Phil awhile to notice. It's the same as watching their old YouTube videos. Phil doesn't realize how much older they look until he watches one of their old videos. They've been with together for so long, he doesn't see the changes until they hit him head-on. And Dan's first proper breakdown had definitely hit him head-on.

Phil traipse back to Dan room, tea and cereal in hand. He places the bowl on the nightstand and crawls next to Dan, who leans into his boyfriend's chest. He clutching his hot mug of tea Phil hands him, staring ahead. Phil wraps his arm around the younger boy, holding him tightly looking down at him. Dan's hair, unwashed and greasy sticks up at odd angles. His t-shirt is hanging off his shoulder. He is shivering, despite having his duvet over him, and Phil's arm wrapped around him. His eyes are duller than usual. They are missing that bright light; that twinkle of amusement, intellect, adoration. And it tear Phil's heart in two.

"We have to do something about this, Bear" Phil eventually said, looking at Dan to gauge his reaction. He blinked back, eyes heavy.

"I know."

It came out as a mumble, his voice hoarse and rough.

"I love you." Phil whispers, kissing Dan's head. Dan just hangs on even tighter.

Phil looked at Dan. He was beautiful as ever. _Off_ as ever.

We will get some help, Phil tells himself.

Just not today.

 **Hope you liked it. Please review!**

 **-Seb**


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